Realizations and Christmas ornaments
by ricaruns
Summary: Beckett helps Castle decorate their Christmas tree, and she comes to some realizations about love and her family.


Author's note: I don't own Castle. This takes place during season 6. I am making the assumption that Beckett put her Christmas ornaments in storage, so therefore they weren't destroyed when her apartment exploded. Also, when Kate moved in with Castle, she brought her Christmas ornaments. This was inspired by me decorating my family's tree, and I have ornament like the one described later in the story, but with my name on it of course.

Kate came home to one of the largest Christmas trees she had ever seen aside from the tree in Rockefeller Center, and by the tree were boxes and boxes of ornaments. Some of the boxes had Castle's scrawl and some of the boxes had her tidy scrawl, and one of the boxes had either Martha's or Alexis' scrawl. She is touched that Rick included her ornaments in the pile of boxes with the family's ornaments. But by now, Kate should stop being surprised because it was just such a Rick thing to do; to do everything to make feel like she always part of the family.

Rick heard Kate come in, "Hello Kate" and gave her a loving kiss on the lips. Kate smiled into the kiss, "Hi."

"Why don't you go change and we can decorate the tree together?"

"Ok" Kate walked into their bedroom with a little swing to her hips.

Fifteen minutes later, Kate came back into the living room wearing NYPD sweatpants and a long sleeved t shirt that said Castle's Muse.

"I like your outfit. The lights are already on the tree; do you want to start decorating?"

"I thought you would. Sure, do you a preference as to which box is opened first?"

"Yes, open the one with Mother's handwriting; it contains the more sentimental ornaments and I want to put those up first."

Kate opened the box and saw ornaments that were made by either Rick or Alexis. There was one ornament that caught her eye. It was a thin, gold silhouette of a girl on her knees praying, with a small bell hanging from her clasped hands. Near the bottom of the ornament, Alexis was engraved. Kate ran her finger lovingly over the engraving of Alexis' name. She couldn't understand how Meredith could willingly walk away from Alexis and Rick; the two of them were the best things that ever happened to her. How could a beautiful daughter and a husband as loving as Rick not be enough? What does it say that a mediocre acting career is more important that your husband and daughter? Kate had wanted a family until her mother's murder, and that changed. It seems that Rick, Alexis and Martha had managed to soften the wall around her heart, all because they welcomed her into their family with open arms and open hearts. Kate vowed to do anything possible to keep them safe, and Kate meant anything. Thinking about Alexis' relationship with her mother disgusted Kate. Meredith was only Alexis' mother because she gave birth to her, not because she loved and took care of her daughter the way a mother should. Kate couldn't even comprehend Meredith's behavior; if she had given birth to a daughter as wonderful as Alexis, she would have done everything in her power to be there for her daughter, and she would have also worked hard to make it work with Rick. Kate vowed that Alexis would always be a priority and would never feel rejected like she did with Meredith. Kate realized that dwelling on Meredith did nothing for her, did nothing for Alexis, did nothing for Rick, and defeated the purpose of enjoying the Christmas season with her wonderful fiancé and soon to be step-daughter. Once again Kate lovingly ran her finger across the engraving of Alexis' name, and looked up to the sky hoping that her mother was proud of her and the example she was setting for Alexis, since she knew that Alexis viewed Kate as a sort of mother figure and also hoped her mother was proud of wonderful yet unusual family.

Kate was also touched that Rick trusted her with decorating, and trusted her with the ornaments that had a sentimental meaning. Kate trusted Rick with her ornaments because he knew what they meant to her. Rick and Alexis were the only ones who seemed to get little snippets of Kate, as opposed to Detective Beckett. Kate hoped she would learn more about Alexis and Rick and maybe even Martha as she helped Rick decorate the tree since she herself knew the emotional and sentimental attachment to objects. Kate hoped one day to add more children's ornaments to their tree, hopefully another little angel with a name engraved.

Castle loved to watch Kate in their home, with Alexis and Martha because he felt like she was Kate as opposed to Detective Beckett, where she had to be the hard-core badass as opposed to the woman trying to come to terms with her mother's murder and everything that she had seen on the job. He noticed that she seemed deep in thought and it seemed to center on one particular ornament, and Castle was about to go see what was going in Kate's head, but it seemed that Kate was over what was troubling her. Castle wondered what ornament could cause such a reaction and thought process in Kate's head. After she snapped out of it, Kate put one his favorite ornaments on the tree. It was one he had bought just after Alexis was born. The thin, gold silhouette of the angel reminded him of innocence and he, like Kate, would lovingly run his finger Alexis' name as he put it on the Christmas tree. Castle was so touched to see Kate lovingly run her finger over Alexis' name. He knew that they were slowly moving towards expanding their family, and Castle would never push Kate towards something so momentous and life changing, if she wasn't 100% sure yet. While there were still a few years before the awesome Castle-Beckett offspring entered this world, he was touched to see that Kate obviously cared for Alexis greatly, so greatly that she treated things that were important or represented Alexis with great care, the way a mother would; which was a great contrast to the way Meredith and Gina treated Alexis' things. But why dwell on the past when he had an amazing fiancé and the world's best daughter?

Castle decided it was time to get out of his head, and go help Kate decorate the tree. Castle walked to Kate and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Hi, beautiful. How is decorating going?" he said before kissing Kate's neck. "Hi. Sorry I would have more progress on decorating but this ornament got me thinking."

"Oh, that is one of my favorite ornaments. I bought it just after Alexis was born. I would have bought it sooner but we didn't know what we were going to name her until 2 days after her birth."

"So, you're telling me that for 2 days, Alexis was Baby Girl Castle?"

"Yes. Meredith and I couldn't decide on her name; we spent the whole pregnancy debating names. I wanted something beautiful and sophisticated, something that was worthy of having the last name of Castle. Meredith wanted something like Buffy, Muffy or something else that were equally vapid sounding. I owed it to my little girl that she was given a strong name, so she would be a strong woman. I also liked the meaning of Alexis, it means helper or defender. And thankfully, I won out in the end. To prevent a total meltdown from Meredith, I made the concession that Alexis would be given Meredith's last name, Harper, as her middle name. If I had my way, I would have named Alexis, Alexis Martha Castle, after my mother."

"See, even before Alexis was born, you were being a good father; doing your best to make sure that she had a wonderful name. You are such a wonderful father and that is one of the many reasons I love you." Kate gave Rick a loving kiss and smiled up at with love in her eyes.

"Thank you, Kate. There were times I was worried that someone would take Alexis from me because I was viewed as a bad father or that my lifestyle was unsuitable for raising a child."

"I don't think there is any way anyone could say that you were an unfit father or that Alexis wasn't loved and taken care of. There is not a doubt in my mind that Alexis had a far better life living with you and Martha than she ever would have if Meredith had been granted custody."

Castle gave Kate a kiss to show his love and appreciation. "Now that we have delved into the drama that went into naming my daughter, let's discuss what that ornament made you think about?"

As much as Kate loved Rick sometimes she hated how he could get in her head.

"Fine . I was thinking about how if I was in Meredith's position, I never would have walked away from you and Alexis; it disgusts me. I lost my mother when I was 19, the same age Alexis is now, and I would given anything to have one more day, one more hour, one more second with my mother, while Alexis, through no fault of her own has a living mother, but a mother that doesn't spend enough time with her only child. I love Alexis, even though our path has been rocky, but I will never have that bond that a mother has with a child. The most I can be to Alexis is her step-mother and her friend. As I held that ornament in my hand, I made the vow that Alexis would never be abandoned by me as long I was living. I know that, that vow can't make up for all the times her mother disappointed her, but I want her to know that is she important and loved. I also want her to know that I'm not trying to take her away from her dad, I'm just trying to make a new family, my family with you, Alexis, Martha and my dad…I also hope one day, we can add one or two more engraved ornaments to our tree."

Castle hugged Kate close to his chest and said "I love you so much, Katherine Houghton Beckett, soon to be Castle, you are amazing and extraordinary. Alexis and I are so lucky to have you in our lives. It means so much to me that you are looking out for Alexis, I wish could say the same thing about other women who have been in my life. You, Alexis and mother are the most important people in my life. Don't try to be Meredith, just be you Kate that is more than enough. All I've wanted is for you and Alexis to get along, I don't expect you to be best friends, but I do really appreciate the effort you're making to get to know my daughter, and hopefully one day, Alexis can be 'our' daughter."

"Rick, I hope that comes true one day. You have changed my life for the better, and I will never stop loving you, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle."

Looking at the very empty tree, Kate said "perhaps we should actually do some decorating before it is Christmas?"

"I suppose you're right. Alexis is looking forward to Christmas with us, and that includes a fully decorated tree."

Rick and Kate spent the next few hours decorating their Christmas tree. When they were finished, they spent a few minutes admiring the tree they decorated, and then headed into their bedroom to enjoy a dreamless sleep.

THE END


End file.
